Friday, May 17, 2002

Sex At The Bake-Off

Got to love Salon.

This riff on the One Million Dollar Pillsbury contest is a riot.

Sample portion:

In doing a little research, I discover that Pillsbury is not blind to the sexual aspects of the Doughboy. When the doughboy character was first conceived, they had a wife for him. Her name was Poppy and she had a little apron that covered her featureless white torso. The idea was that the Doughboy and his wife would give you the homey, happy domestic feeling that comes with the scent of rising, warm, freshly baked bread, no matter how nutritionally vacuous and preservative ridden that bread may be.

However, market research proved that the Doughboy's wife was a complete consumer disaster. Apparently women, Pillsbury's target customers, didn't like the idea that the doughboy was "attached." They responded to his squeal of glee as he is palpated by the anonymous feminine hand far more enthusiastically knowing that the doughboy was, in fact, "available."

And if that isn't enough to temp you:

There is something about the nature of women as they compete that demands that they pretend not to be competitive at all. Beauty pageant contestants are forever proclaiming that they are "just happy to be here" and are hoping that the other, more deserving girls will win.

Men don't do this. You never hear Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield shyly proclaiming that they are "Just excited to be included in the fight." No, they explain that they will kick each others' asses, which is surely what these women are really thinking.

Just one more bit:

Back at my table, I notice that someone has placed two tiny doughboys in a compromising position next to my glass of Merlot. The doughboys seem to be passionately sandwiched together, clutching each other with animalistic fervor, their little white legs eagerly entwined and their lips pressed in a needy kiss. This horrifying image of floury fornication is beyond disturbing and yet hauntingly beautiful.

The whole thing is wicked and naughty.....

And just in case you feel like entering -- the contest's site is here.

posted by Bohica at 1:01 PM