Saturday, November 02, 2002

Mortality

Checking the death clock, in optimistic mode I have until Friday, March 21st, 2070 at which point it predicts I will shuffle off this mortal coil

Yes, its a simplistic program -- it doesn't take into account anything other than date of birth, gender, and average life expectancy... but what the hell. It popped up number one on the Google for "death."

So why Google search such a downer topic?

Ummm... maybe 'cause Halloween was last night and maybe 'cause I just read an article on death in the NY Times that tickled my fancy. The last paragraph of which was personally relevant... so here it is:

Professor Taylor, who has selected his own final resting place in the South Lawn Cemetery in Williamstown, Mass., said: "People don't talk about this, what they want done when they die. The unspeakable is not sex, it's death."

Unlike the "people" Prof Taylor refers to, I always ask about body disposal plans. The answer and the way its delivered tells me tons about a person.

For instance... religious preferences, anal retentive factors, life philosophy -- just for starts.

Although it is amazing how many people haven't given it a thought.

In an ironic twist, what was a casual get to know someone better and maybe shock'em a little at the same time query became job related when I first started drafting wills. Although putting funeral preferences in a will seemed silly to me.

Still does.

I mean, people are usually long in the ground or in the urn or scattered over Lake Wobegone by the time a will is read, but the software had a section for funeral plans. Who am I to argue with the wisdom of programers? None the less, I used to advise clients to make sure family members were aware of their wishes or if they owned a plot or a prepaid plan to make sure the info was organized and readily available.

So what do I want done when I die?

Cremation -- after any possible organ donation.

The thought of rotting in a coffin after being stripped, bled, filled with formaldehyde and who knows what else by perves working at some mortuary just isn't appealing.

Plus being buried seems so wasteful... a waste of money, a waste of space, a waste of time.

Not being even slightly religious, I'm not concerned about so called judgement or resurrection day. So no belief driven need to leave an intact corpse.

The next logical question is -- what do I want done with the ashes?

Well... I could really care less.

I mean... what the crematorium gives the family is only a fraction of what remains. So the bulk of me will end up in a dumpster anyway.

I do have friends I've semi-seriously promised to have sent little vials of Christina Ash. Some have interesting plans for it -- assuming of course they outlive me. One wants to mix me into ink and get a tattoo. Another plans on using me as an ingredient for spice cake. Another rather optimistically thinks he can get his portion buried with full Catholic ritual.

Of course -- I've not really taken any of it seriously. I mean I am still young enough to plan on living forever... its all rather abstract.

Although, I realize that irregardless of my wishes, what ultimately occurs will be out of my hands.

Look what happened to Elizabeth I -- she was buried next to her sister Mary. Not at all where she wanted to be for "eternity." But being dead, there wasn't much she could say and the whim of King James prevailed.

But unlike Prof Taylor -- I don't think death is the great unmentionable. Personal finances are. Most folk will give you the dirt on anything from their sex life to their last visit to their proctologist before they dish on their money. Think about it. You know I'm right.

posted by Bohica at 4:17 AM