Sunday, March 30, 2003

Gender Straight Jacket

For those paying attention to my links on the left -- you may have noticed I added The Spark to the Fun Places To Go list.

The Spark is an amusing way to stave off boredom at work... good for at least two or three days of amusement.

The whole site is fun -- especially the quizzes. Even old Spark hands should click over -- there are new ones: The Compatibility test -- which determined 98% of the rest of the world is more likely to get married than I am.... and the Pick-up test -- which said I am more "pickup-able" than 64% of the rest of the world -- to quote: You like to flirt, but not with ugly people.

Tally Ho!

The Gender test is my all time favorite. It always gets me wrong. I retake it ever so often to see if the spread has shifted -- but I always score at the same percentage -- 86%.

Essentially, this test claims it can determine your gender based on your answers to fifty questions. The questions are quick and relatively painless. Only a few are obviously telegraphing.

When I first took it -- about three years ago, it was 84% sure I was a guy. About six months later, it was 86% sure and I've held at 86% ever since... including tonight.

Here is the paste and copy -- with comments -- of my results page:

It all adds up... You are definitely a man!

How do we know? Well, deep down, your gender affects everything about you, from your favorite number to your views on Canada. Many men who took the test think and act just like you, as you can see from the clusters above.

(The clusters are in pink and blue and I am pretty solidly in the area that is predominantly blue -- and the graph shows an 86% certainty)

Statistically speaking, you are a dude.

As we said, this test gets smarter with every taker, and it's almost never wrong. You can make it even better by telling us it was right for you.

At which point I am offered the following choices for clicking:

Amazing! I am a man! or You bitches, I am a girl.

I select the "bitches" answer and am sent to a page that tells me this:

REALLY?

You know, for every question, we track very carefully what each gender answers. This allows us to guess with the utmost accuracy what you are. And in the rare case where we guess incorrectly (like now), we have the opportunity to learn from nature's mistake. You.

People like you, who walk the scary line between man and woman, are *very* helpful in understanding exactly what it means to be human. Thanks, and good luck.

If you want to make it smarter, forward the Gender Test.

TheSpark.com wishes to thank all 3,326,130 females (57%) and 2,471,513 males (43%) who have taken the Gender Test thus far. This experiment is something we're quite proud of. Did you know that men are more likely to call this test retarded than women? Women are less likely to choose being lonely (over bleeding to death) than men. Men prefer white bedrooms. Women prefer blue bedrooms.

How do I explain the results?

Umm...

Probably eight years of military boarding school and spending the majority of my adult life in the Navy. A recipe for test skewing if there ever was one.

posted by Bohica at 10:29 PM